Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
