If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
