i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
