this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
