He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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