eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
