I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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