you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
