I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
