Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
