I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
should my penis look like a turkey
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
