i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
