yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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