my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
