I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
