I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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