Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
