I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
