Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm too high and old for this...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
