and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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