I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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