can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
