i just wanna soil my oats bro
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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