; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
