Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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