i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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