it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Randomize
