I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
