i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
