Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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