this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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