..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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