If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
