just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
