I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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