does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize