Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
