Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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