Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
