I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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