Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
