Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
