We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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