why didn't you poke me back
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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