Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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