Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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