im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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