Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
