drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
