Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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