im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
