you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
