Will you blow on my dice?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
