Can Purell be used as lube?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
