Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
