I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
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cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize