toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
