I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
