Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
