Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ok first of all what the fuck
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
