Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
