Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
