Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
