Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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