i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
