Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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