OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
