Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
