He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
