Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
