His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
