The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
