Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
