May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
