I just made out with a guy for $7.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
