one two three fourrrrnication!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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